Empathy

"Empathy is the experience of understanding another person's condition from their perspective. You place yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling." - Psychology Today

Empathy, I think, is both good and bad. It is good in that when we have empathy for someone we ourselves hurt. We can relate to what someone is going through because we "feel their pain." It's like we're going through the experience, whatever it is, along WITH the person it's happening to. We KNOW what they are feeling. Empathy is bad . . . for that very same reason.

I have a friend whose family lost their pet dog recently. To them, their dog was part of the family and they grieved for their dog just like they would a family member. For those who have never lost a pet to death it is hard to have empathy for that grieving person because they have never gone through that experience themselves.

In my life, I have a special empathy for people whose parents develop Alzheimer's. My father had it. I know what it's like to go through that. I know what my mom went through, living with Alzheimer's everyday for years. I have empathy for that. I have LIVED that.

One of my daughter's friends was recently diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. I have lost several good friends to cancer. I can empathize. It is our experience in these emotional situations that creates our empathy in similar situations when we encounter them.

Some people, however, do not feel empathy for others. It might be because they have not experienced the death of a loved one, for example, to really know exactly how they should feel. But it is also possible that they simply do not have the ability to empathize. It's not in their DNA so to speak. Which would lead one to believe that empathy for others is a God-given gift.

Can you imagine God's empathy? How He must hurt. Imagine the pain you have felt in your life and multiply it by billions. That's a lot of pain!

God's love is unmeasurable. So is His empathy towards those who are hurting - all of us.

Here is a question to ponder. What does a holy and just God do when all the people He created have sinned against Him - an offense punishable by death. "The wages of sin is death" is what it says in Romans 6:23. The answer is in the Book of John. You've heard it before. John 3:16

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

THAT is empathy!!

How much empathy do we show for others when we encounter someone who is suffering? Some but not as much as God would. Imagine THIS scenario:

A young family is grieving over the loss of their baby girl. She didn't even make it two days in this world before she died. The mother and father hold each other and cry as they stand next to their daughters lifeless body.

Suddenly an older man walks into the room and, holding out a small bundle towards them, says, "This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased. I offer him to you freely. A gift to remove your pain."

Unbelievable, right? Yet God did that very thing when He sent Jesus to earth to die in OUR place.

Empathy? I'd say that God exhibits empathy alright! And we have been created in His image. We strive to become more and more like Him as we grow in our faith. What will we do today when we encounter someone who is hurting? How will we react? Will we place their pain above ours? I think that is part of what God wants us to become - selfless, compassionate, loving . . . empathetic.

Today, when you encounter someone who is hurting or grieving, even going through a really bad day, will you scroll past their Facebook post? Or will you pause, say a prayer, and send them an encouraging message?

May God create in us a humble, loving and empathetic heart. Be willing to serve in such a way and you will be pleasing your Heavenly Father.

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." - Romans 12:15

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets." - Matthew 7:12

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." - John 15:12

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." - Philippians 2:3

Empathy

Strength

[The following is a multi-part story about my dad and the battle he is undergoing - against Alzheimer's and against pneumonia. It is also a story of how God provides for us in our time of need in oh, SO many ways. I dedicate these blogs to both my mom and my dad . . . and to my amazing sister. And also to anyone out there who has lost, or is loosing, a loved one]

There is a special strength that adrenaline brings. Or maybe it's love that drives us to do things we otherwise would never be able to do? Either way, things we never think we could do can sometimes occur when people we love are involved . . or in danger. And I don't think this was adrenaline.

It was right around lunchtime when I got the phone call from my sister in Michigan. Our 87-year-old dad was in the hospital with pneumonia. He wasn't responding to any of the treatments they had tried and she thought it might be a good time to make the trip.

That news ate at me for the rest of the afternoon. I began to pray as I worked, not really focusing on my job as I should but focusing on my dad and my mom and my sister who was with them. I asked my praying friends at work to please pray for my mom and dad and began sending text messages to many other prayer warriors. I went home that day anticipating to make the 6-hour trip to Michigan the following day. That plan didn't last long.

My wife was making steak on the grill that night. It was good but I didn't eat much. Then my wife asked me, "Do you want to go tonight?" I wasn't really sure. I dislike driving at night and usually try to avoid it whenever possible. That's the way I was leaning . . . until I got a text from my brother.

"I'm in Chicago."

That changed everything. My whole family was going to be there . . . except for me.

"Let's go," I told my wife and we spent the next half hour packing for a who-knows-how-long trip and making arrangements for someone to watch our diabetic cat. We were about to leave for a six-hour trip at 8:45 at night. Right around the time I usually go to bed.

"We'll see how far we get," I thought. Five and a half hours later we arrived in Battle Creek. I never dozed off. Not once. I can't drive home from work some days without my head bobbin'!

God is a great sustainer and a great provider. He enables us in many ways we can't even think of. There are somethings we do that simply could not be done without God's help. I believe He helped me and my wife get to Michigan. He is helping my sister as she coordinates the treatment and comfort of our dad. How did God know that at this point in my dad's life He would need an full-time nurse? So He provided one in my sister. And a very good one at that!

Has God ever shown you His strength? Or has He shown you His presence by allowing someone in your life to do something "beyond normal"? I have heard stories of soldiers carrying other wounded comrades to safety despite themselves having been shot and mortally wounded. Where does that inner strength come from but above.

There will be some that claim earthly super-human strength is induced by hormones or other artificial means. I don't know about that. But I DO know about the God I believe in. He can get us through just about anything if it in His will to do so. I thank Him for His provision and for getting me and my wife safely to Michigan . . . at 3:15AM.

God's giving me the ability to stay awake was one thing. Wait until you hear about how He is working in my sister! Next time.

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. " - Isaiah 40:29

Puzzle

Saturday morning, when I got up , I walked out of my parent's guest bedroom and out into the dimly-lit hallway. Early-morning light was beginning to sneak into their house but it was struggling to do so. A big stretch of this old body of mine was next on the list as I tried to get the kinks out of my back from our 8-hour drive to Michigan the day before.

There was a light on in the living room. I could hear the faint reports coming from CNN as my mom and my dad sat watching the news. No one else was up. I stood there for a moment, unnoticed, and gained some insight into what it must be like for my mother each day, living quietly with her husband of 60+ years . . . and with the disease that is attacking his mind . . . Alzheimer's.

In many ways I think Alzheimer's disease is more cruel than a simple death. When some one dies, they are simply gone but you remember them as they were. Usually whole; somewhat vibrant and cognitive. But with Alzheimer's it's like the person we remember is not even with us anymore and has been replaced with someone else who walks and talks like the person we knew, but they struggle to remember who WE are. Alzheimer's Disease provides us with constant opportunities to think about "what used to be" and "what could have been."

My parents switched off the news and began to work on a jigsaw puzzle. My mom liked jigsaw puzzles back in the day - the harder the better. These days they stick mainly to 100-piece puzzles. My mom assembles the border while my dad tries to complete the inside. It takes them a while but eventually they get there . . . together. My mom offering suggested puzzle pieces along the way.

"Try this one. That's right. Just rotate it a bit. There you go!"

I used to wonder how God could allow such a disease to effect the people he supposedly loves. The same could be said for cancer or AIDS. God could eliminate them with the wave of His hand if He wanted to. So why doesn't he? A couple of verses come to mind . . . and a concept.

"The poor you will always have with you." - Matthew 26:11

Why? Why would Jesus say that? I suppose the same thing could be said of the sick. Illness and disease will always be with us. Why? I believe it is so that God can be glorified when he heals or so that He can use the disease to develop character in us. Why else? Population control? I don't think so . . . which brings me to my second verse.

"God wishes that none should perish." - 2 Peter 3:9

If God truly wishes that none should perish, then why are there diseases that cause death? These are good, logical questions that many people ask. Many people choose not to believe in God for this very reason. And this is exactly where my concept comes in.

The problem with us humans is that we spend an incredible amount of time thinking about ourselves. It's all about us. My young friend who got hit by a car last week . . . why was that allowed to happen?

We have to start seeing things through God's eyes, not our own. Forget about injuries and suffering and death. Those are temporary. Think eternally! What could someones illness be used for? Well, it could make us run to God for help. We could seek Him out to comfort us our a loved one in time of need. What else?

I suppose God could be using the suffering of someone we love to develop the character in those around Him. Remember, think eternally now. What was I witnessing this past weekend as I was watching my parents assembling a puzzle together? I witnessed the never-ending love that my parents have for each other. And what was that teaching me? That I should exhibit the same kind of love to the people I have in MY life. Hmm. I am 60 years old and my mother is still teaching me things.

We are not on this earth to live for ourselves. Sure, we're here to learn and to grow. But ultimately we are here for God and for others. Remember the greatest commandment? Jesus' disciples asked him what it was and he said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

It's all about love. We are learning how to love in ALL situations. What's that they always say in wedding ceremonies? "In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do us part." That is how we are to love one another. My parents love each other in ALL of those ways. I pray that I will learn from their example and follow their leading and love not only my wife in such a way, but ALL those I happen to meet.

"4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Split

This past weekend my relatives (on my mother's side of the family) held their annual family reunion in Michigan. It's always good seeing everyone. Hugs and laughter abound, along with many delicious desserts. So much food, so little room. I came home carrying a few more pounds around my waist than I left with, that's for sure!

Sadly, living hundreds of miles away as we do, the only time the members of my immediate family get to see our relatives is at this single, one-day event. Once each year.

Invariably, as soon as the event draws to a close, someone is bound to say. "I wish we had more time to visit." There is NEVER enough time to talk with everybody. There is simply not . . . enough . . . time.

Some relatives I get to see every year. Others however, I haven't seen since Noah built the ark. Some have moved away and are separated by distance. Others were split off the family tree when personalities clashed. I think those are the ones I miss the most. It's easy to understand not traveling thousands of miles for a single meal and some small talk. It's NOT so easy to comprehend someone refusing to come who lives in the same town.

When there is a split in a family it always hurts the entire tree. That's why is was especially sweet this past weekend to pull into the driveway of my uncles farm and see someone I hadn't seen for years! This years reunion was made especially sweet by the restoration of a family tree that had been split.

I witnessed another split of sorts this weekend. That of my father, who has had his memory split by Alzheimer's. Every time I see my dad I wonder which portion of his mind I will see. It could be the frustrated, short-tempered father I never knew as a child. My dad was always very polite, quick with a terrible pun and always serving others before helping himself.

I saw both sides of my father's mind this past weekend. His memory has been split in two by the ravages of old age and a debilitating disease of the mind. Very sad.

Abraham Lincoln gave a speech when he was running for the U.S. Senate where he spoke out against slavery. The candidate said, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." He was quoting another famous person who also spoke out against a form of slavery . . . being a slave to sin. That person was Jesus, the Christ.

"22 Then a demon-oppressed man who was blind and mute was brought to him, and he healed him, so that the man spoke and saw. 23 And all the people were amazed, and said, “Can this be the Son of David?” 24 But when the Pharisees heard it, they said, “It is only by Beelzebul, the prince of demons, that this man casts out demons.” 25 Knowing their thoughts, he said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will stand. 26 And if Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand?" - Matthew 12:22-26

Just a few years later, President Lincoln would lead a nation divided against itself. It was only by the grace of God that our nation did not split in two. Or did it split?

These days our country has split from many the Judeo-Christian values it was founded on. Although our constitution specifically states that "we the people" are to have freedom OF religion, it seems that we have now created a government that has become fee FROM religion.

The American family is not what it used to be. They have been split apart as well. Through divorce, separation, extra-marital affairs, same-sex marriage. It seems like we can split the atom but we can't split from our sinful ways.

After we returned from our family's 4-day trip to the Michigan, I sat down and talked with my dear friend at work. She was telling me about a sermon she heard about what makes for the best marriages. The pastor said the successful marriages must contain three key elements. In order of importance they are: Spiritual, Intimacy and Physical. First, we should seek a partner based on spiritual compatibility. Then we will grow closer, through Christ, into an intimate relationship - with each other and with our Lord. Only then, after those two steps, will the relationship become physical.

This world in which we live seems to have everything backwards. Relationships these days begin with the physical. Then present-day relationships quickly become intimate, almost immediately. By then it's almost too late to find a spiritual relationship that works. We have already become unfaithful to God through our selfishness.

The only way we can repair the splitting apart of our relationships and of our country is to return to God. He should be our FIRST love. We need to remember the first and greatest commandment.

"These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2 so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. 3 Hear, Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your ancestors, promised you.

4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates." - Deuteronomy 6:1-9

When Jesus was asked by his disciples what the greatest commandment was (Matthew 22), Jesus quoted Deuteronomy . . . the verse you just read. Maybe, if we feel things splitting apart in our lives, maybe we need a little Superglue. Maybe we need a little Jesus. :)