Hurt People

We all have been hurt at somepoint on our lives. Why do people do that? We love these people and suddenly we find them hurting us. Why?

My wife and I went to a Sidewalk Prophets concert a few weeks ago. They were debuting one of their new songs - "Hurt People." The song implies that people who have been hurt in their lives are the ones who in turn hurt others.

Hurt people hurt people,

Broken hearts break hearts

If true, that's something we need to remember the next time someone breaks OUR hearts or hurts US in some way.

Lashing out at someone in response to their lashing out at us is no way to act for the Christian. Yet there is still a strong desire to lash out, indicating that we ourselves are far from perfect. So, what do we do?

"Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven." - Matthew 5:44-45

That's Jesus speaking. He's telling us to love and to pray. It's that simple.

And just to drive Jesus' words home, that Sidewalk Prophets song ends with this line:

But love will heal our hearts.

It really is that simple. Love others enough to take them to God in prayer.

Here's an idea. Let us take the first line of the song and change it up a bit.

Loved people love people.

God loves you and God loves your enemies too, wishing that none would perish. So, what are we waiting for?

Love! Pray! Repeat!

Hurt People - Sidewalk Prophets 

Empathetic Love

In the last story that was posted here we briefly touched on Jesus' prayer to God the Father saying, "Not my will but yours." Keep that in mind today as we explore the topic of love (something we need more of these days) and a deeper, more sacrificial love that I am labeling 'empathetic love.' Our scripture for today is found in The Book of John - The Story of Lazarus.

You can read the entire story by clicking the link above, but we will just look at some key verses today. The first of which is verse three.

"So, the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”

The one you love is sick. This love is reaffirmed in verse five.

"Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister (Mary) and Lazarus."

By verses 11-14, Jesus already knows that Lazarus is dead. He waits two more days and then goes back to Judea to visit Mary and Martha, despite having the Jews try to stone him there previously.

Now we come to the key verse. After Jesus arrived at the home of his friends, He comforted them. Verse 33

"When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled." 

This culminates in verse 34, the shortest verse in the Bible and one of the most revealing verses about Jesus.

"Jesus wept."

When one of our friends is hurting and in need of help, what do we do? This story of Jesus and His love for His friends gives us a list of things to keep in mind.

1. Go to the person. Make the trip.

2. Comfort them. Give them a hug.

3. Mourn with them. Feel their sadness.

4. Pray for them. Don't just say you'll pray.

5. Cheer them up. Remind them of good times.

6. Love them, like Jesus.

This season of Thanksgiving and Christmas can be hard for people who have lost someone near and dear to them. Be observant. Take the time. Sacrifice yourself for the hurting. And glorify God in everything you do.

Love Them Like Jesus - Casting Crowns

Another Brick In The Wall

There's lots of talk about walls these days. "Build the wall!" "Tear down the wall!" "Make the wall higher!" Even as we build, there are those wanting to tear down.

A walls sole purpose is to separate things. Keep the bad guys out. Keep your loved ones safe. Protection, confinement, separation.

We all have walls in our lives. Some we have built ourselves. Others are built . . . by others. But really WE do all the wall building. Others just cause us to put them up.

We build walls to protect our hearts. We build walls to protect our kids. Even God had us build walls around His holy city - Jerusalem. Walls work. But sometimes there are unintended consequences.

Let's say we get burned too many times in relationships so we start putting up walls. We think our walls might keep us safe. But those very same protective walls also keep others out. Perhaps the very ones we were meant to love.

Remember the old westerns where the people inside the fort had built a wall around themselves? When the cavalry came to save the day, they too were locked outside unless someone opened the gate.

That's the key about walls. They must have a gate in them. Locking ourselves inside an impenetrable barrier doesn't do anyone any good. But having a gate! By having a gate in our wall we can choose to allow certain people in. And we ourselves have a means of escape, should we ever need it.

When we are surrounded by distrust and hurtfulness in our lives we we begin to put up walls. It's instinctive. But when Jesus comes to the rescue, a gate is a very important thing to have. Jesus IS that gate in your wall.

"I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture." - John 10:9

If you are struggling right now, and you find yourself building those walls that surround you higher and higher, keep an eye out for the cavalry. His name is Jesus. Let Him into your safe zone and together you can begin to remove those barriers or building them up higher as needed. The key is to do it with God's help.

“You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace.” 18I also told them about the gracious hand of my God on me and what the king had said to me.

They replied, “Let us start rebuilding.” So they began this good work." - Nehemiah 2:17-18

Another Brick In The Wall - Pink Floyd

Windows To The Soul

William Shakespeare once wrote that, "The eyes are the window to your soul." I think that's true. Tears then must be the means by which our souls empty out to God when we open those windows to Him.

Yesterday was the anniversary of a young girl's death in our community. She had beautiful eyes. Windows.

I am always reminded during this time just how fragile we humans are. How much we crave the love we all desire to feel. And how desperate we can become when our souls become troubled or weary.

When the burden becomes too great we tend to reach out to convenient things to make the pain stop - alcohol, drugs, a gun. a rope. All that remains after a pain-filled decision are the broken hearts of all the people that loved them.

Why do we never seem to turn to God during our darkest moments? Some of us do. That's why we our broken hearts are still beating.

In Biblical times, when people were greatly saddened, they tore their clothes as a sign of their despair. God had this message for those hurting hearts of old.

“‘ Even now,’ declares the LORD, ‘return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.’ Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.” - Joel 2:12-13

I sent a message to a friend this week, for no reason other than she popped into my head. I was surprised to hear that this friend had just woken up from a terrible nightmare. Later I learned that my message, as well as messages from two other people, had arrived at the same time.

God uses people to comfort others. We have to remember that the next time a friend calls or we find ourselves struggling. That's what friends are for!

Just a few days ago, I saw the mom of the young lady I mentioned earlier. She too has beautiful eyes . . . windows . . . just like her daughter. My regret today is that I did not think to pray for her and her husband. I should have done so right then and there.

God can heal our broken and hurting hearts. We just have to provide the opportunity for Him to do so.

"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble." - Psalm 9:9

Deep Cuts

Have you ever gotten a really deep paper cut? Those babies sure hurt! But, for as painful as those cuts are, there is still another kind of cut that hurts even worse. A wound from someone you love.

Divorces cause a lot of pain. Both the husband and the wife get hurt. And if there are any kids in the family? Ouch! The hurt can really run deep.

Pain can also be caused by close friends. At least you thought you were close until that one day they turned on you. And for no apparent reason. Pain also comes from a loss - the death of a loved one. It can feel like WE are the ones who died.

Did you ever work some place where you felt like you were part of a family? Then one day some new guys come to run the ship. They decide to make some changes and YOU were one of them. The pain runs deep.

So, what do you do when you get hurt like that? Well, you could get angry and fight back. You could do nothing and let the pain fester inside of you until it gets infected and kills you. What can we do when the pain hurts so much you just want it to stop?

Turn to Jesus. It's a simple answer. So why is it so difficult?

Jesus is not called "the great physician" for nothing. He heals broken hearts. He restores our brokenness and makes us whole again. God has promised to never leave us or forsake us.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6

As someone who has given his life to Christ I can tell you that you will never feel alone again. Not when you are part of God's family. There is peace and hope for a future in store.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

A future assured, peace, hope, never lonely, always loved, never forsaken. If you don't know Jesus, if He is not the Lord of your life yet, consider His offer. He WILL restore your soul.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters, 3 he restores my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." - Psalm 23:1-6

I Am Not Alone - Kari Jobe

Loss

There is no way to describe how we feel when someone that we love dies. We can try explaining things but we always fall short, often stopping in a remembrance along the way. The emptiness is real though. I can tell you that for sure. There's a reason for that.

We humans love to be loved. We were created that way. God is love so why wouldn't a little of what He is rub off on His work?

Although we are all basically the same, each one of us is unique. In our uniqueness we live differently and we love differently. We react differently in situations and we love differently in our relationships. How we love is directly proportional to our love for God.

"7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." - 1 John 4:7-12

When someone dies there is an absence in us, in our hearts. We miss the person who is gone. The more we loved someone, the more we miss them when they're no longer with us. Why? Because we love to be loved.

If you have lost someone, draw near to God. God heals hearts and we all have hearts that are hurting in some way. One of the best ways God gives us to heal our hearts ourselves is to love someone else. When someone dies wouldn't it be a great tribute to love others the way they loved us? (See verse 11 above).

Love someone today. Where someone is hurting, visit them there. Where someone is at a loss for words, send them some encouraging ones. The best way to comfort someone, to show someone you care, is to tell them, and show them, that you love them.

Do not love like the world loves. Rather, love like God loved us and sacrificed His Son for us. Willingly. Love until it hurts and then love some more.

The world is desperately in need of love these days. BE that love.

(This was written for the Dobizl family, the Mortensen family, the Volkman family and the Bush family. And all those who have lost someone recently. There is hope and healing in the arms of Christ. I love you all.)

Me and Jesus - Stellar Kart

Well I Do

Waupaca County Suicide Prevention Walk

"Crawling in my skin, these wounds, they will not heal. Fear is how I fall, confusing what is real." Powerful words that I reflected on this past Saturday as I, and 272 other people, went walking, together, to aid suicide prevention in Waupaca County.

Suicide has touched my life several times but not to the extent it has devastated the lives of others I know. Austin, Kameron & Bill, all gone too soon, left loved ones behind. Aching, mourning, forever scared by the loss of their loved ones. So, what do we do, we that remain? What CAN we do? Anything?

Chester Bennington, the lead singer of Linkin Park, offers us a clue in the chorus of the song One More Light.

Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We're quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

Austin

We have to care. We have to be willing to actually DO something. We have to be willing to sacrifice some of our precious time when others in our lives are hurting.

A local church's elders once asked me what their youth pastor could do to bolster his declining numbers on Wednesday nights. "That's easy," I said. "You have to LOVE these kids. Not preach to them. LOVE them first, THEN talk." The same answer applies to ALL of the people in our lives. We have to love them. And they have to know it.

Kameron

Everyone needs to be loved. Who have you loved today? Who WILL you love today? God will provide someone for you to love. The question is, will you ?

We have to care "if one more light goes out." We have to! When we see a life flicker, quicker, we have to reach out a hand and let them know that we care.

34“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” - John 13:34-35

Loving each other is NOT a suggestion. It's not something we should be doing only when it's convenient for us. It's a command! According to God, we should be loving others with every breath we take.

Are you breathing?

Crawling - Linkin Park

One More Light - Linkin Park

Chester Bennington of Linkin Park

Waupaca County Suicide Prevention Coalition

 

Falling Inside The Black

(photo by Katherine Chase)

I was searching for some photos to use on a web site when I happened upon this beauty. I like the photo because it tells a story. A sad story though. A story about being left behind or falling through the cracks perhaps. A sign of what's wrong in our country. And what's wrong with our hearts.

I was in town this past Friday, measuring up a building for some gratis work my company is doing at a local non-profit. I was talking to their volunteer coordinator about a young man the had been there as a client. He struggled with some mental health issues. They tried everything to help this guy but nothing seemed to work. He either couldn't be helped or wasn't interested in being helped at all.

Last week he went missing from the facility he was at. Three days later they found his body in a nearby river. Sad. There simply is no helping some people I guess, but that doesn't stop people from wanting to help or from trying to. It breaks people's hearts when they hear that there is no longer any hope.

I look at this photo and a verse keeps repeating in my head. It's Jesus speaking to His disciples.

"The poor you will always have with you." - Matthew 26:11

Why did Jesus say that?

I think he said it because the sick and the poor WILL always be with us . . . FOR us . . . as a test. The sick and the poor in our lives may be there for us so God can see just how we treat them. A test to see how "healthy" WE are, how "RICH" we are.

Are we spiritually rich enough to have compassion on someone who has a mental illness? Are we spiritually healthy enough to have that desire to help the sick and the hurting?

The news these days is filled with people who are struggling to fit in. When no one notices them or seems to care about them, they lash out at society. They fight back, in their usually fatal way, at the very people (in general) who have abandoned them. Even at the ones who could help them!

We, as a society, are failing the Jesus test. We choose to ignore the mentally challenged and often just stand by as we watch them slip through the cracks and fall into the black abyss below. We need more people to be Jesus in the lives of the mentally ill. More people to lift them up in prayer. More people to fill the cracks . . . with hope.

Falling Inside The Black - Skillet
My Son was a Columbine Shooter - Sue Klebold

When Churches Bite

Have you ever been hurt or disappointed by your church? Has something ever happened in church that made you ask, "What just happened here?" Or maybe you read something in the Bible and then saw your church doing something different. What do we do? How do we react?

First, before I begin making people mad, let's set a few pitons in the mountain we're about to climb. Pitons are the things mountain climbers use to keep them from falling too far. In the church we call them truths. They are things we can depend on and trust 100%.

Piton #1 - Churches are filled with sinners. Jesus told us in Matthew 10 that "no one is good except God alone." That means your pastor is a sinner, the little kid running down the aisle is a sinner and the old lady pushing her walker up front to take communion is a sinner. We are ALL sinners. We all screw up. If you are looking for a perfect church, good luck. There isn't one.

"All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." - Romans 3:3

Piton #2 - There is only one Church. According to the Center for the Study of Global Christianity, there are approximately 41,000 Christian denominations in the world today. Seriously? Why so many? Who's right and who's wrong? People have different interpretations about what the Bible says. Usually, the Bible is pretty clear but sometimes it can be a little fuzzy. Still, despite all of the differences we might have in our beliefs, there is really only ONE church. And check this,  it doesn't have a building.

^"13 For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body" - 1 Corinthians 12:13

Alright, let's start climbing.

Do you love Jesus? Most, if not all Christians, will answer yes. They will answer that question quite boldly too. Right up to the point when Jesus says this:

^"23 Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them." - John 14:23

Are you getting scared yet? You should be. Because we're about to get hurt.

I saw a discussion on Facebook the other day about someone claiming that their church had hurt them. That may or may not be true. I have no way of knowing. This person claimed that they had been removed from a position in the church because of the way they dressed. If that is true, then shame on the church. This same person said they were removed from this position because they were in a same-sex relationship. If THAT is true, then shame on that person for living a lie.

“Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching."

Open your Bibles to Romans 1.

^"24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. ²⁵ They exchanged the truth about God for a lie" - Romans 1:24-25

It doesn't matter what our sin is, when we exchange the truth about God for a lie, and continue to live in that lie, that sin, then we are only hurting ourselves. If we are truly Christians, even though we sin, there is a shame that follows us as long as we are in that sin. And then it comes. The difference between Christians and non Christians - repentance. A turning away from sin to follow God. To . . . "obey my teaching."

Let's face it. Sometimes churches hurt us. We're all sinners, remember? But more often it is we ourselves who do the hurting. And the ones we usually end up hurting are ourselves.

Before we start accusing the church of hurting us perhaps we should examine ourselves to see if we aren't the ones doing the hurting.

Being a Christian means giving up our old way of life. Not wallowing in sin. Repentance is the key.

^"17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! " - 2 Corinthians 5:17

We will be tempted. We will be tried. But if we are TRULY Christians, if we truly have God's Holy Spirit inside us, we will never go back to who we once were. We will never give in. We will never give up the fight. Because we are His church. We are His bride. And we have been chosen by The King.

When your church hurts you, forgive. When things don't go as you think they should, ask yourself, does it really matter? We need to get beyond earthly entanglements and start living for Christ, sacrificially. We need to start loving , as Christ loved us, unconditionally. If we all do that there won't be any trouble at all.


How To Heal When The Church Hurts You
Ephesians 4

Wounded

There are days I don't really feel like going to church, especially now that the temperatures are below freezing, or worse. It never used to feel that way. I used to be so excited, going to church early in the morning and staying late into mid-afternoon.

I volunteered all over the place. I was a youth leader, I went to classes and meeting, mission trips and conventions. I'm not involved that much anymore, much to the delight of my wife. So, what happened? What happened to all the excitement I once felt in going to church? Well, I got wounded, wounded by my church.

Has that ever happened to you? Things were going along just fine when suddenly, out of nowhere, a rumor got started or somebody stabbed you in the back or there was a difference of opinion about the design of the bulletin or the style of worship music creates some tension. So what do we do when we are the victims of "church abuse"?

Well, the first thing hat popped into MY head was to leave. Obviously we've been hurt. It's us against the church. They're bigger than us individuals and aren't going to change. Might as well blow them off and find a new place to worship, right? Let me tell you this. Churches are filled with people who used to belong to other churches.

To tell you the truth, after I got hurt, I did look around. There are lots of churches out there, each one thinking they have a better idea, a better way of "reaching the lost" or "engaging our community." All that's really nice and probably matters to somebody with a seminary degree or an MDiv. None of that really matters to the extent we'd like to think it does. I'll tell you what does matter though. God and neighbors.

The Great Commission. Come on, you know what it is.

"37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” - Matthew 22:37-40

Love God, love others.

"Yeah, but so-and-so really hurt me."

What part of "love others" do we not understand? It doesn't say love everyone except those who hurt us. Do we forget about forgiveness? And how often are we supposed to forgive someone? Once? Twice? Even though they might be wrong and we are right?

"21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." - Matthew 18:21-22

I have chosen to stay at my church and I'll tell you why. It's not the pastor or his "vision." It's not the style of his sermon or the number of members in the worship band. No. It's the people. I love my brothers and sisters and I would never leave a family member just because of how I feel. We're family. We're all a bunch of sinners saved by the same savior.

This past Sunday was a perfect example of how a family sticks together in both good times and bad. I listened to a women from my small group who had gone through a messy divorce. She experienced a lot of pain and still has many open wounds, yet she met someone who makes her happy and I celebrated with her as I listened to her telling the tale.

I felt compassion as I listened to a young man tell me about the struggles he has been going through. He too had experienced a divorce and was trying to meet the needs of being a single dad with four mouths to feed besides his own.

A couple fought back tears as they anxiously awaited news from their daughter who had fallen ill while on a mission trip in Africa. How would they get her home? How could they take care of their precious daughter from thousands of miles away.

My church family is a good family. We have differences of opinion, just like any family does. But we stick together when times get tough. We don't abandom ship. We are family. We all have the same Father. We who believe are part of one large family. We have been given the right to be called children of God. Where else can we go to find a more loving Father than the one we already have? Nowhere! Let us rejoice in what we have been given for we have been truly blessed. 

"60 When many of his disciples heard it, they said, “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?” 61 But Jesus, knowing in himself that his disciples were grumbling about this, said to them, “Do you take offense at this? 62 Then what if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before? 63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. 64 But there are some of you who do not believe.” (For Jesus knew from the beginning who those were who did not believe, and who it was who would betray him.) 65 And he said, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.”
66 After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. 67 So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” 68 Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go?" - John 6:60-68